Page 5 - Hawaii Island MidWeek - January 18, 2023
P. 5
Exactly 11 hours and 42 minutes into the new year, the first fan letter of 2023 reached my email’s inbox.
PATERNITY WARD D. L. Stewart
Well, ‘Hair’ We Go Again
JANUARY 18, 2023
HAWAI‘I ISLAND MIDWEEK 5
“Please,” the subject line began, “either don’t publish your picture, shave that ridic- ulous facial hair or retire, all acceptable choices.”
ed to the thigh bone, equals the erotic zone. Would you really want your daughter to put on such a public (and pubic) dis- play?”
Whatever the cause, my
But if you get 100 letters and 99 of them praise you, the one you remember is the one that didn’t.
Some conveyed mixed messages.
County of Hawai`i
ELECTRONICS RECYCLING COLLECTION EVENT
For the record, I’ ve never understood why columnists’ photos are published along with their essays in the first place. Perhaps it’s for the same reason some realtors have photos of themselves on their “for sale” signs.
ridiculous facial hair and I appreciated the message, be- cause it proved there still are readers out there. Besides, negative reactions go with the territory. Dave Barry gets negative mail. Erma Bombeck got negative mail. If he’ d been a columnist, Mr. Rog- ers would’ve gotten negative mail.
rate, for example, I decided to undergo a surgical procedure and my editor convinced me to write about it. He got the best letter.
“Dear Mr. Stewart: I love your column. It’s the first thing I read every morning. Sometimes you make me laugh, sometimes you make me smile. But I always love to read what you have to say. Keep up the good work. You’re the greatest. PS, my husband thinks you stink.”
And I’m not sure what triggered the reader’s ire, al- though my column that morn- ing had been a hard-hitting piece about the controversial subject of eggnog. Or maybe it was a long-smoldering re- action to equally hard-hitting columns about pickleball, brownies and dog toys that resemble liquor bottles.
But if you get 100 letters and 99 of them praise you, the one you remember is the one that didn’t. So while I can’t recall the positive ones, I still can quote from memory negative reactions received throughout 47 years of colum- nizing.
(I still worry about that reader’s understanding of male anatomy.)
Other times there’s no equivocation.
“Dear Editor: When D. L. Stewart wrote the column about his vasectomy, he cut his throat.”
Speaking of anatomy, I cov- ered a Miss America pageant one year and wrote favorably about the talent of an entrant, which was belly dancing.
“I often wondered why your articles were uncouth, boor- ish, common and vulgar. Now it’s clear. God, are you ugly.”
Sat, Jan. 21, 2023 8:30am-4:30pm
at Kona Crossroads Shopping Center
When the size of my fami- ly was growing at an alarming
“Dear DL: Surely you jest. Let me give you an anatomy lesson. The hip bone, connect-
But my ridiculous facial hair and I are happy to hear any and all opinions. Because the only reaction that bothers a columnist is no reaction at all.
at Mr. K’s Recycle & Redemption
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815 Kinoole St, Hilo
75-1027 Henry St., Kona
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